The Inner Child in You, Me and My OC

One afternoon my local library had a used book sale and I picked up a tiny guy named The Portable Therapist by Susanna MacMahon for $1. Highly recommend it to everyone to have in their bookshelf at home :) Simple little read. 1-3 page chapters about common mental health questions. Interesting cover too - flying goofy person lol

What really stuck to me though was the two chapters about the "inner child". So I wanna share some thoughts and a connection I didn't know I made already with one of my OC's, and I'm super geeked out to share with you :D

Honestly .. I think my story can make the next big Netflix show. "Whoa Krim big ego there." Shoot I mean if not, it's a blessing to write, as it helped me a lot therapeutically and creatively.

Anyways, I wrote a BUNCH of notes from the chapters so The Portable Therapist is the majority of the references I use in this post. Enjoy :D

What is an inner child?

Basically an inner child is the child version of us we carry inside of us. Picture yourself as a baby. Or five years old. Still growing and developing. Seeing the world with them big innocent eyes. Reliant on our caretakers to change us, pack our lunches, and buy our lit up sketchers. Criers and screamers when we fall off our razor scooter or getting pricked by the evil needle at the doctors office. And not to mention the screaming mall-babies >_< !

But as children we carry pain and trauma much harder.

Our inner child runs over our emotions and needs until the needs are met and the emotions are acknowledged.

Yup, they store ALL pain: rejections, painful messages, loneliness, abandonment, all the sucky stuff. And they yell for attention when they feel helpless, hopeless, overwhelmed - overreact when they feel out of control.

Kinda sounds like anxiety right? Or Karens lol...

Anyways lets break it down some more.

The different sides of us

We all got different sides: our adult side, our child side, our parent side and our professional side.

Using me as an example, I'm a 24 year old woman who works to pay the bills. I use a professional manner at work when I interact with people, picking out appropriate clothing to look presentable. With my child side I still have an obsession with stuffed animals, my curiosity with nature, my art hobby, and wearing elf-ears on occasion. But I also get hungry, sleepy, and moody. I become a parent to myself to give me the things I need (or what my inner child needs): food, rest, fresh air, showers, new shoes and so on.

Think about it. You're so damn tired working all day. Starving. You get hangry. Your at Walmart picking up some milk and the line is too damn long, this person in front of you is yapping on the phone, the florescent lights are too bright you just wanna go the fugg home. Or worse, you gotta go pee...

Omg... I was very much that kid who hated shopping with my mom and just wanted to shut myself in my room and play videogames. Guilty af.

The book says the adult side is usually embarrassed by the child side.

I'm sure my mom back then was so fed up with me when I had another "I WANNA GO HOMEEEUHHHH moment." I still feel that way sometimes. Depends on where I am -COUGH- Home Depot.

I bring Squishmellows to work because they help me though the day. (They're pleasant to look at, fun to squeeze, and I actually use one for my back since I'm on a chair for 7+ hours xux.) And I admit I have a limit when I am out with Cal grocery shopping. If it gets too bad I chill in the car while he finishes, or find a water fountain... or the Squishmellow aisle. He will come get me, finding me groping all the plushies >:)

I also tend to talk to myself in weird voices when I'm home alone. Playing with kids is fun too. I was playing with my friend's three-year old at the beach and we splashed each other with water I was like "HE STARTED IT!"

Wearing my elf-ears has helped me connect with my child-side more too, but I don't wear them to work. Just to raves and clubs. Would be pretty questionable unless its Halloween.

Also, do you guys still run around the store when testing out new shoes? I mean you gotta...

Nowadays, thanks to good friends and a respectful partner <3, I've grown comfortable with my child-side and acknowledged it. But with new people, and depending on the person, I tell her to check back after a few minutes so I can be a grown up and do my taxes or nail this interview. Kinda sucks though.

The book advises to not suppress your inner-child.

Just like how you wouldn't do to your own child, you MUST acknowledge the feelings and needs he/she has. If you hold off much longer on those needed naps, or breaks, or even a night out with buddies, you're going to feel MISERABLE. Because your kiddo's gonna bang on the door for attention.

Not only that, remember, your inner child is the storage container of all pain and trauma. They are the gatekeeper, and controller of our emotions. And they are OP when you throw shade on the pain.

How to take care of your inner child.

You are the ONLY one who can take care of your inner child. So don't be over relying on your partner, your friends or your parents when you're a grown ass adult, no matter how awesome they may be.

Besides, you 1up your parents, because your inner child is part of you and you know EXACTLY what they need, when they need it, you can fulfill.

Every child wants to be loved. To be protected. To be safe. So if you are angry with yourself... you are practically abusing your inner child.

And when I made this connection, I felt so... so guilty.

**Trigger warning

To be embarrassingly transparent in this post, I attempted self-harm in my past, feeling absolutely frustrated with myself that I thought punishing myself was the solution. Literally, beating myself up.

Did not help at all; it just made things worse.

I even became scared with myself. I didn't want to screw up because if I did it would just enable another fit. It was almost like I had the devil and the angel on my shoulder, but it was my inner-child and my toxicity. My anger. I was even afraid to start meds thinking one day I would take a handful.

So from there, the book also advises you to not expect the child to trust you immediately. That they have waited a long time for you, testing you before trusting you. And I can very much relate to that with mine.

It's wild how the book talks about this inner-child like its a entirely different person but they're not. They are us.

So if you get the gist of this whole post so far, take care of yourself. Don't ignore pain, physical or emotional. Journal about it. Play more. Take a day off and sleep. Buy some Squishmellows. Take a bubble bath.

Flex your Inner Child

One of my favorite tips the book shares that I have done even before reading it was putting a picture of yourself as a baby somewhere in your home. A reminder of who you were and still are.

Besides my desk I have a picture of me in this green dinosuar costume (I think was from Barney???) After some crystal research I laid out two tumble stones of rose quartz and amazonite in front of it, to help me connect more with my inner child more and bring positive energy and creative flow in the room.

Actually I have a couple of cool baby photos of me that I'm not embarrassed about. One is me playing Kirby Air-Ride in my brother's room, siting in a lawn chair, with my binkie, my blanky and holding my pikachu. Another was some photoshoot of me around 1-2 years old in a pot plant with a sunflower on my head.

Four Year Old Krimmu Playing GameCube

I was a cool fucking kid - and predicted a pothead gamer who still collect plushies. (Jk, I control my weed fairly well.) And why would I want to suppress this absolute G? I would give the world to my kid if I ever have kids, so might as well be a good parent to myself.

And I am willing to share my plushies.

Krys - my fictional version of the Inner Child

One of my OC's is basically a symbolism of the inner child.

I worked on these connections during my Wednesday writers group and I was nervous yet excited to nerd out about this, even showing some of my concept art. But this is my blog so I can share EVERYTHING here >:D !!!

So this is Krys and DJ from my story I call OBSIDIAN:

**warning: this story is graphic and tackles sensitive topics

Obsidian Cover Concept V2

Main Plot Breakdown

Krys has arrived to Earth with no memory, no knowledge of herself, or the world around her and no literacy. (And no clothes). David J Scott (aka DJ), a toxic IT student, pothead metalhead who likes to poke around the dark web, has encountered her in the Detroit streets under the influence of weed and an angry fit, and attempts to rescue her from three scummy men taking advantage of her.

DJ's failed hero-ego almost got him killed, and Krys turns into a shadow-entity with horns and white glowing eyes, brutally mauling these men with her FUCKING MIND!!! For the first time in his life D.J has seen real murder and magic, and fearful for losing his life. Luckily the shadow entity did something to D.J's head, healing all his wounds and broken bones. He awakens besides the naked girl with long red hair with blood still all over his clothes.

Krys behaves like a scared lost puppy. Or child. It takes a while for her to learn to speak and basic manners, but along the way, D.J has this psychological connection to this girl where he feels her pain and emotions. Basically, when she's cold he's cold, if she's hungry, he's hungry, and if she's crying he's crying. And if she gets cut or fell, he feels it.

The story takes place in Metro Detroit at the college DJ attends Grand Horizon State , where Krys will also attend, living with him as his fake cousin and how she will influence multiple characters. But for Krys and DJ, their mission is to figure out how to cleanse this crazy world after acknowledging the true evil that lays within it.

Krys Adams in public

So yeah that's the story :) Now here are the connections.

Obsidian helps you reflect with your shadow self.

(definitions copied and pasted from google)

Obsidian: highly-regarded protective stone, known for its ability to block, absorb, and transform negative energy. Obsidian is believed to be a stone of clarity, with the ability to release emotional, physical, and spiritual blockages, drawing out stress and tension.

Obsidian Crow Skull

Shadow Self: the unconscious and disowned parts of our personality that the ego fails to see, acknowledge, and accept. It is any aspect of ourselves that is not exposed to the light of our consciousness.

• Usually rooted from our childhood

• Look at yourself with fresh-eyes

• The shadow is the darker, hidden or repressed part of our inner selves. Shadow work is getting in touch with the repressed side of parts of ourselves we may even yet to discover.

D.J is silently appalled by how fucked the world is yet decides to watch gruesome videos on the internet about real murders and death as a reminder and to feed his curiosity. Krys, being a pure innocent infant-like soul, D.J feels her emotions and is forced to take care of her so he can feel less scared. Krys is literally a scared little girl. Just not physically. (She develops fast to match with her physical appearance.)

I've designed Krys VERYYY carefully to dart some symbolism here and there. Honestly I'm really proud of this OC - she's my baby and she IS baby K.K <3 (and DJ too I guess)

Darkness / The Shade

The Shade Concept art

In Kry's shade form she is all dark and wispy like a shadow. In this state she is impenetrable, able to unleash impressive power such as telekinesis, pyrokenetics and teleportation. Krys is also able to conjure a shadow sleeve so she won't conceal her whole body. Similar to the obsidian stone, her shade form protects her from harm and identifying her human-form.

Krys is aware in this state so it is not a Hulk situation. More of an Avatar-State, triggered by an emotional state and danger.

DJ is a Shade himself in a sense. He wears black, likes to put up his hood and his hair is black, sloppy and curly where in some spots curl up to form natural horns. Eventually he will add a splash of color to his wardrobe, like some white t-shirts. Krys also gets him some nice red vans for Christmas to go skating with ;)

D.J Scott being a baby

The Color Red

Like a child’s eyes, Krys starts to see limited colors during her first couple of weeks: black white, and red. She will have a knack for picking red objects like apples, strawberries, cherries, and is not afraid of blood.

Krys has long red hair upon her arrival, at its full length. Research shows people are attracted more to red-heads so... yeah, she's very pretty.

Krys Adams holding an apple :)

Out of the blue, Krys acknowledges the color of Russel's eyes... which are blue. Even though she has knew him for a couple of weeks, she is starting to develop to see more hues. (He was very flattered at this comment.)

Light

Krys explains to DJ that when she "arrived" she saw a light - similar to how babies see a light when they are born and how people see a light when they die. She awoken in Detroit at night and follows the street lights. Mostly vacant street. She crosses a street even tough the light was green... because she couldn't see green and SKRRRRR DJ almost hits her with his car, blasting metal music and super bright headlights right on her.

Her Shade version has glowing white eyes. They are expressive, almost like Deadpool or Spider-Man. Or Sunspot from X-Men 97. Could also symbolize the light her "victims" see before they die or be reborn.

Krys loves the sun, which also give her healing abilities and make her amber eyes appear to glow. So you can imagine she'd want to live in nice a warm climate 🏖

Sensitivity

Krys has enhanced senses of smell and sound. She starts to wear headphones / earbuds over her ears to filter her environment until she is comfortable balancing it out. Kinda why she prefers vinyl. (Fun fact: she loves R&B.)

However, like a child or small animal, Krys clings onto DJ in very over-simulated areas. Once she gains his trust of course.

Krys clinging to DJ

This is another reason why Krys is assumed to be autistic from her classmates. But the more exposure to the environment the better she adapts. Plus she can know if others are talking shit about her.

Speech and Comprehension

Krys takes time to learn how to speak full sentences. She learns fast than the average child so she can keep up with how old she appears. In school she has been assumed to be autistic because of the way she talks and learns, but eventually speaks and acts like a proper lady.

Her first phrase was "I'm sorry", which is what DJ said to her in blood and tears before the Detroit monsters took their lives. She felt his pain and repeated the phrase when they speak again in his dorm a moment later, after seeing him freak out and afraid.

(WIP) Average afternoon with DJ and Krys

(This is fun lol) When DJ first encounters Krys he yells "JESUS CHRIST!~!!!" (common fright-slur, I use it A LOT). He comes home one day and sees her attempting to spell phrases she has heard before. She has spelled it geez us kryst. DJ found this hilarious, hence her name Krystina Adams.

Adams, her last name, is a nod to Adam and Eve, Adam's apple, Wednesday Addams, and that it started with A DJ didn't want to have a headache making a last name for her 🍎

She is very slow with slang though, and takes creative phrases and words very literally... causing DJ multiple face palms since...

• Aight bet - "What am I betting on exactly?"

• Slay girl, slay - "Slay ? Like... kill ?"

• Fuck him, he's annoying - "I don't want to have sex with him anyways"

• Dude that's crazy you got the same first name - "How is that crazy?"

• This piece of shit won't work -"That's not a piece of shit that's a broken TV"

• Hey baby - "I'm not an infant"

• You hot - "No, I feel quite cold actually"

• I'm broke "Where? You seem in one piece to me"

• Forget it - "I can't even if I tried"

• It was no problem - "well... it was at first but thank you for helping me"

Horns

Krys in both forms can grow tall black horns. She's not necessarily the devil, a demon, or evil. Animals like goats, cows, etc have horns, deer have antlers, and they use it for protection from predators'.

Krys turning into The Shade

Krys learns to keep her horns within so she won't scare anyone but eventually grows pride to wear them. People think it's a costume piece. She can wear them comfortably around DJ at home.

When her horns are touched she gets aroused, and they grow when she gets touched (pleasurably or threaten). Yes, she gets horny. Creative af.

Curiosity

Krys may have no manners, such as the way she sits, staring at people and asking questions that may seem offensive.

"Cathrine, I've heard you've found Jesus. I'd like to meet him over a cup of tea."

"If you love her why do you two keep breaking up?"

She tries everything and anything, school clubs, foods, hobbies, and learns very fast, as she' interested in every new thing that comes her way, making her a star student at GHU, and a very great friend remembering small detail about people.

One of the most notable curiosities is when she saw a dog on a TV show. The next day DJ took her to the animal shelter downtown to pet a real dog, making her smile for the first time. Krys loves doggies.

Therefore Krys also represents the inner child D.J has to be a mother to

D.J taking care of Krys helps both of their well-being. D.J starts to become more social, more positive, less toxic and takes care of himself more the way he should. 

Examples of taking care of DJ / Krys:

• Food and hydration

  • healthy foods, including no energy drinks so they won't get panic attacks

• Plenty of rest

• Comfortable clothing

• Comfortable clean environment

• Security and home

• Cutting her long hair

• Outdoor time 

• Krys feels shut in and cranky when indoors. Dj rarely goes outside even for a walk.

• Being social with friends

• Meditating

• Personal items

DJ is basically a terrible parent the first couple of weeks. Before Krys attends classes she's all alone in his dorm with a dictionary, TV with subtitles and a bunch of junk food . He gives her sugary cereal for breakfast, gets a fit when she touches his things or plays the "why" game.

Once Krys left the dorm to go outside on a beautiful day and he got PISSED. DJ lost her at Kroger too and had an angry fit in the parking lot causing her to feel afraid of him.

But after interacting with other people including DJ's small circle of friends, learning subjects like Philosophy, Physics and English, Krys has became an impressive student and more independent taking care of her needs. And, of course, DJ starts to treat her less like a child and more than a grown ass woman, capable of doing her own thing.

Krys constructs her own daily routine (or ritual):

• a morning stretch and hot shower

• eating an apple a day

• expand her curiosity by participating in every class

• three meals

• social time with her friends like playing board games

• taking a walk

• petting a dog if lucky

• a trip to the library to read and work on the jigsaw puzzle

• meditating

• a nightly cup of hot chocolate

• (Then eventually at night she kills some people lol)

Meanwhile DJ has these "bad habits":

• Easily annoyed and angry

• Toxic thoughts and behavior

• Doesn't ask questions in class but gets perfect grades

• Nihlist / atheist (there is no God)

• Antisocial hermit

• Intrusive thoughts

• Drinks monster every day (about 2 cans)

• Smokes pot every day/night even while on the clock

• Wears black - doesn’t try too hard to impress anyone

• Surfs the dark web and watches NSFW, smuf, and gore
  

Pretty much DJ's routine is wake up, go to class, eat, work, go home and get high. Monster through the day. Seems like he's not a good parent to himself. But that will change.

The parent DJ

*more trigger warnings

I invented DJ to be a character we have very complicated feelings for. Relatable but... maybe not someone you'd hang out with. He'd probably say no anyways.

At first he's a toxic piece of shit.

Very much a loner, impatient, sore loser, doesn't take care of himself, doesn't call his parents, doesn't welcome deep conversations.

D.J. Scott Concept Art

During work as a IT assistant at GHU he deals with a lot of brainless people (including teachers) who ask the stupidest questions with the most simplest answers. Sometimes they treat him like shit, expecting the most from him (the struggle for most IT techs). Most of the time he just shows people how to click a simple button, as they refuse to read what's on the page.

Therefore, DJ wears a fake energy to take care of them... but inside he visualizes strangling their throats till their eyes pop out or seeing them drive their car into a woodchipper.

You can say DJ has OCD with these fantasies. Real soon he will not welcome them... for example seeing Krys covered in blood or his friend lying dead in a ditch. Of course this is due to the actual trauma he first experiences with Krys, vs what he watches online, movies and plays in videogames. So he can't really relate to hardships as he never really faced traumatic experiences growing up. Maybe a few skateboard wipe-outs and one fist fight, but nothing HORRIFYING.

DJ comes from a family with lots of drama and was advised by his mother to stay out of it, and she does a good job of keeping it private to protect her son. When he was a teen his father grabbed him by the shirt against the wall and yell him in his face for cursing at videogames. He "healed" this trauma by wanting to move from home so he can curse all he fucking wants 🤷‍♂️

When Krys comes into the picture she's in his space. His precious lair. Touching his things. Taking over his bed. Shedding long red hairs in the shower. No matter how pretty she is DJ is still pissed, including the fact he is in a mental prison, feeling other another person's feelings that feel very... unwelcoming.

But it sort of shapes him to be more human, forcing him to connect with Krys and take care of the elephant in the room. Hmm...

Earlier concept cover of Obsidian (previously called Us vs. the FKING World!!!)

Another reason why we won't like DJ, being the antagonist in disguise, is that he utilizes Krys for murder.

Krys learns the hard way that the world is full of monsters. DJ has finally experienced it too, has felt her fears, and has learned how deep the troubles his friends have gone through were. He shapes Krys into a vigilante of some sorts to take care of business. However she doesn't wish to murder if the reason is not that reasonable. For example, kill a child molester vs some guy who tries to rob a 7-11 with an unloaded gun.

Krys also learns about the concept of super-heroes. Like kids they aspire to do good things, wear a cool costume, and have awesome powers. Krys doesn't aspire to be the demon others think she is so DJ becomes flexible to meet her needs and desires. But they do share a common desire to avenge their friend Jess who was kidnapped from a party and r*ped.

Krys was taken too that night, waking up besides her friend getting r*ped, and killed everyone at the scene except the r*pist who got away. DJ has shared the pain and was never the same after that. But thanks to Sunny, the "town witch", she has helped them, Jess, and their friends to truck through and heal, resulting in Krys and DJ to become cool and constructing a strong foundation for the overall friend group.

OBSIDIAN main characters concept art

So yes, you can say DJ is making his kid a murderer. He is fulfilling something deep within that he wants which is a less shitty world. Cool thing though is he's "the guy in the chair" for most part, but partakes in some adventures wearing a mask and riding on his skateboard. (Maybe he wears white too oooh.)

Long story short - learn from DJ.

No ones perfect. There are qualities we lack. Expose yourself to those things, such as more time with your homies, taking walks, going to a concert again.

Since Krys has arrived in DJ's life he has expanded his horizons (😉) and had a more interesting life (minus the terrible stuff). Its amazing how one person can do that for him but in reality its a symbolism of how your own inner-child can open doors to what you need.

DJ Finally Sleeping Thx to Krys Head Pats

Man... I really hope I can make this into a series. If any of you got contacts... hook me up.

I'm excited to share more stuff like this real soon :) Take care buddies.

-Krim