Dream: Blue and green bird in my room O:

I wanted to go back to sleep SO BAD to revisit this dream >_<

I started blabbering about the dream to Cal. Baby birds were even chirping outside our window this morning, scraping the wood, so I just took in those noises laying in bed restless. I texted my mom about the dream too and she went wild researching the web for me, which helped much of the research here lol

So in the dream I was in my childhood bedroom in New York. Cal was there too, and a bird who flew in through the open window. I warned him "yo watch out D:!". I don't remember exactly what song the bird was chirping but it was.

A cute little blue and green bird with an orange beak was perched on my armoire. Cal carefully moved out of the way and we were questioning how this bird got inside my room. I held out my finger calling the bird and, to my surprise, the bird landed on it.

(wix AI image)

Lil birb hopped around my bed playfully like a bunny >u< I pulled out my phone and recorded on my Insta story the bird and I playing tug of war, causing some things to fall off my bed.

Then I taught the bird to say the Spanish word Meida (look). Instead, it mimics my dads voice and said Maria (my mom's name) 😂. My parent's room is right around the corner from mine and I hear them talking. I told the bird to stay, preparing to introduce the bird to my mom who was about to leave the room. Then I woke up.

I tried to go back to sleep to see my bird friend again but I couldn't :( ...

________

Ever since I heard that crows are chill and can speak I wished for a wild-animal friend. I wished for that stray cat to spawn on my doorstep and we be homies for life. At least I dreamt of it... with a bird.

This teal and blue bird-buddy looked out of a fantasy realm. I don't even think there is a bird species out there with those two colors... so it must mean something!!!!

(this might be a long post so grab a snack or plushy w/e n get cozy)

The birb in question

So the bird looks closely like a breed called Blue-naped chlorophonia.

OMG LOOK AT HIM HE SO PRECIOUS I LUB

They originate from South America (fairly common too o_O) and are blue, green and yellow. My bird did not show much yellow but had an orange beak.

Yeh man, beautiful boi. I'm surprised they are common its so exotic. So limey. Vibrant. Badass. Looks like it can sing dubstep.

Unfortunately I didn't find any information if it had any special significance. Just that the females are a bit duller. So Mr. Birb.

Basic Bird Dream Meaning

Birds in dreams signify freedom and independence, I believe that dreaming of seeing birds means you're ready to take control of your life and free yourself from any oppressive forces, afterall birds mean freedom. This dream could also signify a period of great growth in your life where you'd be better off taking risks and not worrying too much about the consequences; allowing yourself to fly high without hesitation (just like that saying "free as a bird") - auntyflo

What's wild I was playing Palia with my friend the night before I opened up about a past experience: I was sexually harassed in a coffee shop when I was 19. Shitty memory of my hometown but it doesn't mean I should avoid coffee shops entirely. But I did move away from New York.

I quoted what Jenny said from Forrest Gump: I wanted to be a bird so I can fly far. Far far away from here. (Sometimes people call me Jenny :D)

I felt like I was always watched in New York. Always on edge. Super shady. I rarely went out other than work or school. I also felt like I was cut off from people due to awkward circumstances. Shame and embarrassment were feelings that loved to cling onto me.

It was really easy for me to move. Kinda just wanted to get away from it and start all over, avoiding those awkward moments running into an old friend at the local Walmart lol

Happy to say I feel more safe and happy where I live right now, comfortable to go downtown for a solo-adventure to the library, coffee shop, park, or a skate. I don't have any shitty memories here, and I will feel more prepared and confident to use my voice if anyone gave me trouble. And I found a new tribe :)

But dude, I've made FANTASTIC memories in Michigan. I lived by myself (with the exception of roommates) when I attended college. I had my own responsibilities like grocery shopping and going to the doctors. I worked new jobs and twitch streamed. I went to concerts and clubs. I traveled to the Upper Peninsula. Camping. Detroit adventures. Spray-painting.

Fugg I saw more in Michigan than I did my real home ;-;!!!

Back home in New York I can understand why my parents were so strict about me going out . The city was too busy. Crazy-ass drivers. Shady people staring at you hardcore on the bus or walking around the corner. Shitty cracked sidewalks sprinkled with glass. I rarely went out by myself back home for library / coffee shop trips in town. College was the only place I spent my time, using their facilities, which felt more safe.

I lived in Michigan for over 5 years now. So I feel like if I had that dream when I first made the move it'd make perfect sense. But now I feel like I'm in a whole other turning point in my life O: !

Blue and Green symbolization

Blue: Calm, Responsible, Sadness

Green: New Beginnings, Abundance, Nature

So I've trailed through a book of dreams at my library and I've learned that colors are super significant.

Lately my color pallet has spread. I used to think black was my happy color. Now I come to appreciate those bright almost psychedelic colors personally. (Also i love watching those color mixing videos so fking satisfying...)

It's been a moment since I've seen blue though, so lets start with that (S.O to that one blue shirt in my closet lol...). Yeah, I got wayy more responsibilities now.... at the end of this year I gotta start paying my student loans 😭😭 !!!!

For a while I've been thinking again how after two years of graduating art-school I'm not "following my dreams". I'm not working for Pixar. Or indie games. Or designing cute-ass packaging for Squishables. After so many application rejections I chilled out... cause man I was TOXIC. All A's (maybe two B's) and I didn't get shit.

Felt like I grinded for nothing. Felt like I wasn't enough.

So that's when the sadness kicked in. I stuck to other work as my main income while doing art as a hobby and building my experience in an remote internship that has grown to be very boring... So I seeked help from a career counselor from my old community college. I became stuck at her question: "well what is it you want to do?"

Bitch idk (I said in my head lmao). There were too many options for me (3D, storyboarding, animating, blah blah blah). I've tried and researched all the options and I had mixed feelings. I just know I wanted to be useful creatively. To do something cool. Contribute to something good.

To not feel like my 5 years of college was not a fking waste of time and money....

Bruh I even considered changing my path into copywriting bc these ads made it seem so sexy to work from home and type sht on a laptop.

But also I feared I'd shut myself out from the entire world working purely remote. I'd forever be an anxious lil mess when its time to go out in public ;_; So I followed her homework:

Create a five year plan.

Write down the so-many-ideas I have.

Poke around Linked-In.

Find groups, clubs and communities.

Find another job.

Felt like I was DESPERATE to leave my previous job since it was an asshole to my anxiety. So she also suggested creative space.

"Think about considering some type of work that may allow you to have creativity in a workspace that provides some stability economically while pursuing your passion." - accurate-ish quote.

And that makes sense cause... well... money secures me. I gotta eat and pay da rent.

But also I've become OBSESSED with my OC babies, fantasizing everyday of new ideas for the plot, editing my Google Doc daily. I got very quirky-creative with my love for snails, making those connections between them and mental health topics, as I was on a journey with my own. Ideas just spiraling. And I loved them. I had fun with them.

Then I realized... if I worked full time at a studio, my creative juices, my creative energy, would be nailed to that one project and I wouldn't have time or passion for my own work that I hold so dear to me :(

I'll be super stressed with deadlines. I'll work long fking hours having no time / energy to go out. Also I would be at risk of being laid off in today's creative economy and on another exhausting mission to hunt for another job.

And I fking hate job hunting more than anything... to feel excited for something I'll likely not get. Unless the universe favors me or w/e 🙄 (Told you I'm toxic lol)

So fast-forward here I am, still living in the same awesome place with my boyfriend, working in a MUCH BETTER job at a beautiful library helping people and using my creative skills for projects, working on my mental health and working on my own lil brand. Skating. Going to concerts. Touching grass. Collecting snails. Buried in plushies.

Yeah, it's a cozy lil life ;) That's some good green.

Already halfway done with 2024 (WTF?!?!) but I got A LOT done. I got a lot to look forward to. And I think that bird from last night visited to remind me that if I continue on then school might have paid off well <3

Bird in the House symbolism

Many people believe that birds symbolize freedom, hope, and new beginnings, and seeing one fly into your home could hold deep meanings for your life, such as encouraging you to make a change or follow your intuition. - WikiHow

It was interesting that my lil' bird-friend flew in my childhood bedroom instead of my new home. Though Caleb was there (<3 <3 ). My parents were also present, but were behind their bedroom door waking up for the day.

My mom always calls me her butterfly. I feel like that would make more sense in this case but instead I got a bird. (Not complaining). I didn't really think or have more appreciation about birds until living in Michigan, where Cal's grandma gets visitors every so often thx to a bunch of bird-feeders. (Oh, and crows: the mascot for GHU in my story Obsidian)

So this bird must symbolize my freedom and new beginnings in Michigan that's coming up.

Even though I've moved on from New York I can't deny that my home will always be my home. Every year I make about 2-3 trips to see my family, sleeping in my old bedroom on a mattress that will never get replaced >_<

But after mentally planning TMM and working part-time I can have the comfort bringing my work to New York if need be. Shoot I can even stay there for a month and vend at a con! (Lets make it happen!!!)

Not sure if I want to move back to New York tho. When I was a semester away from graduating I felt like that was the move because that's where all the dope studios were. Now my plans pretty much changed, and I'm working on perusing those changes now.

Also on this WikiHow, it mentions the bird flying in the house means that true love is in the horizon:

If you’re in a relationship, a bird flying into your house signals deepening commitment between you and your partner—you might move in together, get engaged, or tie the knot!

Well Cal was there 👀👀👀 But also he sort of let me be with the little bird playing on my bed. I'll be patient :3

Bird landing on my finger

Birds by themselves are a symbol of spirituality, insight, and confidence. If they land on you in a dream, it suggests that these things are coming to you. Simply put, this signifies that good luck is coming your way, meaning that now is the perfect time to take action to accomplish your plans. -Dreamapp

Well, looks like I really gotta get working. Just hope I don't jinx the luck lmao DX !!!

Earlier this year I made it a goal to vend at Leland City Club. I began doing my research and contacting them along with other places that seem fit for TMM's vibe. I also started making friendships and connections with other artists, which feels very great, as I've been longing to find my own tribe <3

Since high-school I always longed for friends that I can really vibe with. I'm shy. Socially anxious. So fk yeah to actually building up confidence...instead of sticking with the package of friends Cal had forever lol. (Love you guys <3)

I also gotten more in touch with my spiritual / witchy side. Fking around with crystals. Sigil-crafting. Touching grass. Hammocking. Thanks to Cal I had someone to go on that journey with me, sharing my experiences, thoughts, and practices. (And he already had LOTS of books. Bich I'm talking STACKS.)

if only

Most importantly I've been aware of my habits; how I'm easily side-tracked, distracted, stuck, tired. Snail-Brain. Newly discovered ADHD and OCD. Lately I've been VERY addicted to Palia. I start the day playing for at least an hour... which turns into 4 hours. Reason why is because I found Palia beneficial for my mental health, playing a game first thing in the morning to wake up and perhaps gain some inspiration. But ofc I get sucked into it.

My mind talks to itself. "Alright bich it's time to get off-- no I need to build this cozy corner". Then after much.. much effort, it's like someone else took the wheel of my brain, closes the game, hop in the shower, plan out the fit, pack my laptop and go to the coffee shop. I get a fair amount done while not being stuck in my apartment all day.

But what I really need is to get the juices flowing to work on my physical crafts. So I gotta carefully forge a more effective plan.

To spitball some ideas here's what I got on my mind now (feel free to take inspiration <3):

• make monthly goals on my Trello board and follow them!

• wake up EARLY, maybe even 7AM vs 9AM. ALWAYS eat breakfast and take my meds.

• make a resin craft in the AM and PM so I can make two per day

• focus on making journals / stickers for about 2 hours sticking to a routine

• make time with my snails on the porch :3

• around noon I WALK to the coffee shop / library and work on my laptop (maybe grab a lunch!)

  • There I will work on Canva projects, draw my characters, jam to music, while doing some exposure therapy

• Palia at NIGHT instead of first thing in the morning... or I wouldn't wanna quit lol 😭

If this all goes well then I come home to tackle more projects. Then when Cal comes home that's when we spend time together, cook, and watch movies :D

You gotta take "good luck" loosely. I go by what this YouTuber Jake Monroe says:

"I had a good day because I made it a good day"

You have to invite the opportunities to make good luck happen. I feel like I won't get effective chances if I sit on my ass all day in my office building a damn forest in Palia without putting in the work that I claim I love doing with my silly snail art. (JS... its not easy, watering them every hour).

I also believe in karma. Emohippydippy and I had a conversation about stealing and I told her when I went to 2nd and Charles I found a mini pickle-man squishmellow that belonged to a mystery box display. Looked like someone tried to take him out but didn't pocket him. I was tempted to pocket him, but I didn't. Even if it were so minimal. She got real fking serious and said "Karma's realllll"

Her seriousness stuck in my tiny brain cells. The only things I "stole" were abandoned pencils with perfect erasers. The most shameful thing I feel like I technically stole was a butterfly keychain. I worked at a Five Below and my manager said to just take it, since it was like $2.

That same keychain got buried with my grandma.

So yeah man, I STILL feel filthily guilty >_< Maybe karma hit me in ways I don't know because of that. (I also think once I went to buy like 3 things off the clock and my co-worker said Dude just take it and I did stupidly... knowing it was absolutely wrong.)

Anyways... I never stole out of pure impulse. My anxiety took over, tainted my mind with fantasies of Walmart security tackling me to the ground for sneaking out a squishmellow keychain. I'm a good person. I ain't no criminal. (Though I max stealing skills in games all the time)

I almost forgot where I was getting at... luck. Yeah, luck. Do good things, be good things, get good back. Don't jinx yourself. If you say you want something then fking get it.

Talking Bird

The bird sounded EXACTLY like my dad saying my moms name.... it was pretty fking funny.

Dream Interpreter AI gave me a bunch meanings so I'll just make a simple list.

1-. Communication: suggests there may be a need for improved / more direct communication in my waking life. Dream may serve as a reminder to express my thoughts, feelings or idea more clearly / confidently.

I resonate with this a lot, actually. I got a lot to share and blogging / journaling helps me vomit out the words somewhere. (Plus my memory sux so having a place to write / type def helps)

With blogging I share some things I think others can also relate with. It's not just content and I really don't really see it as content I want to speak to you guys and vibe together :)

For instance dissecting dreams is a fun task. I feel like a fking detective to my own mind. I'm amazed by dream-realms, what we can do in dreams and what we see in dreams that we never seen in real life. Dreams are proof the human mind has more potential than you think.

So yeah - I wanna nerd out. I wanna have a place those people can enjoy my little rants and be like "I feel you". And growing up as a shy, anxious person, it took a while to build that confidence. And thanks to the internet I'm able to communicate in a way I feel most comfortable and reach more minds.

It's definitely less scary then going up to people and be like "hey man, had any weird dreams?" lmao...

But also not just dreams. I share my life. I share ideas. Things that helped me with art and work. Talk about mental health. Art. Movies. The deep sht. I feel good after expressing these ideas in person or online. And I feel fantastic if I gain some sort of human connection with it helping another person ^_^

2. Expressing inner thoughts: bird symbolizes desire to express your inner thoughts / desires openly. Longing to be heard and understood by others

Have you ever chilled with your friends and said something, asked something, maybe like a deep question or something funny or interesting, and never gotten a response? Maybe they just didn't hear you bc you spoke too softly or they were in their own world? Or maybe they just don't care or don't know how to respond?

Meeeeee. Many times ><

I'm mostly a private person so I keep most to myself. When we get high then that's an environment where it's okay to get deep and just say sht XD Just try our best to not make it too weird u know...

But yeah. Sometimes I blush hard when I blurb out some sht like that. And it kinda bums me out when no one heard me. I try not to take it personally because while I live in Krim-World I notice my friend is speaking to me... we all got snail-brain here 🐌

I'm also a soft-spoken person too so most of the time they just don't hear me 🤷‍♀️ Thank my dad for that - the voice of the bird!!! My mom in huge contrast (what the bird said lol)... her side of the family speaks as if we are standing across a big room where in reality she's sitting next to me. So she's ALWAYS heard. Perks of being naturally vocal :P

And I can be like that too when I want to be. I just get self-conscious because I don't want to be loud and someone's like Bruh stfu. (Maybe this is why I like libraries so much). As a matter of fact... I'm VERY self-conscious. I think about saying sht / doing sht / posting sht before I do bc I worry so much about what others think. Six times out of ten I actually deliver.

But recently I was reminded by my friends that I can share anything so that's nice. Ofc I gotta be careful. Sometimes sharing you like pineapple on pizza or don't like Harry Potter movies concludes in "alright, we can't be friends anymore". Ppl can be so butthurt by ANYTHING you say. But with my parents I think I can share about anything :)

3. Wisdom and guidance: pay attention to messages / advice from unexpected sources or individuals

Couple weeks before this dream I decided to call my dad. (Actually had a dream about him that previous night) We rarely speak but we're cool, no issues. We just doing our own thing. He got really happy I called and we got into interesting conversations updating each other about some theories and life.

My dad is definitely not an unexpected source to get advice from. We just need to strengthen the communication between us more. Again, we get very cooped up in our world. We are content just being by ourselves, getting busy.

When I visit home my dad LOVES to share these wild historic theories and stories. Technology. Myths. Movie stuff. Symbolism. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming, especially for my mom, but I'm starting to understand his fascination about it.

So back to not being heard: sometimes we have things we want to talk about but maybe our friends aren't the right people to talk to them about bc they either don't understand or are not interested. So we gotta seek the right minds where we can receive the feedback we would like.

You gotta love those lawn-chair deep conversations while sipping beer or passing a joint with your buddy or family member :3

4. Unlock Hidden Potential: unlock hidden potential within myself - untapped talents, skills or knowledge that needs to be explored and brought to the light

I'm sure there's more to me than what I already know. For sure I can tap deeper into my spiritual side. Touch more grass. Make a stricter schedule on that - because I am in front of a screen most days.

But also for sure I can use my other skills / talents I have but never made use for when I work on TMM.

Idk maybe I can sing or dance 😂 Or edit more reels like an expert since I have 5+ experience on after effects. Or do some augmented reality stuff with my characters. I'll do something :) flex them skills.

And bird who can talk and don't normally talk... you should talk :x that's awesome.

5. Symbolizes my intuition guiding me

Still learning about this fun word "intuition". Intuition is like having a hunch. A feeling to do something / not do something. Gut feeling. Knowing something without thinking too hard about it.

So ... idk right now LOL but I'm sure my intuition will speak when it's time.

6. Presence of a spiritual message attempting to reach me

Yeah, "Maria" is quite a spiritual message 😂 Honestly I probably have a whole lineage of mothers that are named Maria.

But idk maybe my dad was trying to reach me. Or mom, which is whom I reached out about the dream. Mom gets wild dreams too and is starting to get in the spiritual sides of things. I often share my dreams with her anyway.

Maybe the bird might be another spirit in my family. Like how people believe cardinals are really dead relatives saying "what's up". Honestly I'm not so sure and I can't really think of anyone. I wasn't really close with my grandparents and I don't think they have seen a bird like that. The bird felt like it was ... mine. Colors that I like. Behaviors that come to mind when I think of a chill bird-friend.

Conclusion

I think I'm going to make a character inspired by my bird-friend :)

birb sketches in my lil notebook :3

I already got a FANTASTIC ideabut I don't wanna spoil just yet (to avoid making a lonnnng post) so enjoy the lil sketchies :D

Many of my characters and ideas were born from my dreams. My original thoughts. Special messages from another realm. It's how I flow with my art and make something that is truly special to me. It's why I tend to revolve around the fantasy aesthetic.

(Also if y'all have "The Block" I very much recommend writing down your dreams. Makes a GREATstarting point!!!)

I think its very important to keep dreams that stick to you close, even if it may seem super bizarre and goofy. And its wild to think those bizarre and goofy things are only possible in dreams, like flying or re-growing limbs or teleporting. This was a pretty simple dream. No explosions. No magic. Just a bird pulling up in my room.

But not just any bird. A very colorful bird. A very chill bird who actually listens to me lol 😭

I love animals. (Fun fact: I wanted to be a vet when I was younger.) I wish I had that Disney princess energy where I can be chill with any animal. Like a duck accepting food scraps and allowing me to give pets. Or a cat who enjoys hanging on our porch becoming our new adopted child. Unfortunately that's not my case :(

(would b nice would be nice...)

But moving on, dreams r special not only from what happened or what/who was present but how the dream made me feel. Bird-friend gave me much happiness that I wanted to go back to sleep. Much awe. Surprise. Disbelief. When I played with the bird I was like "no way he's actually chill"! And I pulled out my phone to share this moment with you guys. Cuz its fking awesome.

And after looking into the talking bird symbolism it can suggest that I should communicate more with my family.

Yeah I got Facebook and I'm starting to upload some TMM stuff on there, sharing my Ko-Fi if they want to support. A part of me is anxious to share more of this life of mine to my extended family because I feel like we aren't that close. Wish we were :( Like cousin sleepovers and hang outs. Barbeques. Birthdays.

When I start my own family I wanna ensure my kidz are kool with their siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and create a strong bond. I feel the disconnection between my family and I physically has brought lots of surprises. They didn't know I got this many tats n gauges. In a two year relationship. Writing stories. Starting a brand Cursed with mental health funk. Clubbing and moshing.

Facebook is pretty much what we got to keep us connected. And sometimes I don't wanna tell everyone my business. Cal is very close with his family even if he hates social media. They live local and hang out. (They get in contact with me if they wanna get in contact with him on FB lmfaooo.)

So yeah, after dissecting the dream, reflecting on the past, and the present, seems like I got something to look forward to. I got some stuff to work on. I've known it for a while after beginning this whole Mystic Mollusk shenanigan (which again, thank you for joining me on this journey <3). Aaaand things look good.

I'm figuring myself out.

I'm expressing myself in ways I haven't before.

I'm finding closure in past experiences. I'm touching more grass and trying new things.

I identified what's comfortable for me.

I identified what's important to me.

I identified what makes me happy.

I know what I want.

Thank you bird-friend <3 I promise I will pay tribute to you.